Emi FUKUYAMA

"The Moon, Following Me"

Pages: 76 / photos: 36
297x297x14mm / hardcover
Price: 3,675JPY
Release Date: December 2010

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When I was a child, I used to sit by my parents' futon almost nightly, because I was scared of falling asleep. That is, I was very afraid that if I fell asleep and because unconscious my own self and the existences around me would all vanish. I did not try to wake my parents but waited until they noticed me, as I just sat quietly in the dark room listening to their breathing.

Today, my memories of the times I sat in the darkness all alone and in distress remain stronger in my mind than the feeling of relief I felt when my parents noticed me sitting by their side and then let me in their futon.

The two feelings I possessed at the time were my fear that every existence might vanish if I fell asleep, and the sense of reality I could actually feel when someone noticed my existence. Within that threshold of time during which I sat still in distress but did not take any actions, I could keenly perceive my own existence and that of others. I would then whimsically feel a strong sense of solemnity; thus, I was scared, I was scared, but at the same time I also felt a sense of relief.

(Excerpts from the author's postscript)